A kiss

Me and my romantic entangles. Saturday night we finally kissed. It felt—amazing. Just like she is. But I’m so very confused as to what I want. From her, from a relationship in general.

Am I unconsciously emotionally keeping my distance from her to protect myself from the hurt I felt in the last relationship I had? Or am I really not interested (enough) in her to commit (to anything)? Or am I held back just by a sudden and forceful relapse of my fear of commitment?

So many answers to such a hard question for me. And what makes it harder is that I don’t know who to talk to about this. Normally I’d talk to my sister but Miss A (as I’ll call her here) is also a friend of my sister’s, so I’d rather not.

What to do, what to do. If I had the courage, I could just be a bastard and sweet-talk my way into Miss A’s arms and not disclose how uncertain I am. Then again, would it be fair to me (or her) to just break it off now, without ever exploring what might come of our developing relationship?

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